


I Have No Heart And I Must Feel

by Kelyon



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Dark, Multi, POV First Person, Rape, Regina rapes Graham by making him rape other people, body control, shameless title rip off
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-11-02 13:36:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20764829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelyon/pseuds/Kelyon
Summary: Based on the Tumblr Ask: "Golden Cuffs Graham, what is a typical day for you like now that you are Regina's prisoner?"





	I Have No Heart And I Must Feel

**Author's Note:**

> Technically this is in the Golden Cuffs Universe, but it's also general enough to be its own thing. Poor Graham.

Every morning, I wake in a room with a dozen other guards. I don’t know their names. I don’t speak to anyone and they don’t speak to me. New men filter in and out every few weeks. One way or another, life in the Queen’s service is rarely a long one. 

I eat whatever food is put in front of me. It tastes like nothing, feels neither hot nor cold. I take no joy in eating, which is not the way I was raised. 

I don’t take joy in anything anymore. 

During the day they make up work for me to do. Stand guard, patrol the halls. They don’t let me near the palace walls, for fear that the open air will make me want to run away into the forest. 

If I ran into the forest they would never find me. 

The work I do during the day is meaningless, something to keep me busy when I’m not needed for my real duty, the only thing the Queen keeps me alive for:

To suffer. 

She summons me to her bedchamber. She needs no ropes or chains to tie me down, no locked doors to keep me from leaving. She makes me strip so that she may approve of my body. She has me stand before her mirror, naked, so that she may see all of me at once.

The Queen forces me to harden.

She knows what she wants, every time. She knows if she wants me to be passive or aggressive, to take her or be taken by her. My mouth, my hands, my manhood--every part of me is to be used for her pleasure, in whatever manner she chooses.

And she makes me open myself to her. To her fingers or her toys. She bends me over and violates me and makes me feel that degradation as pleasure.

She can control my manhood as well as she does the rest of me. She can make me hard whenever she likes. She can deny me release for hours or days. She can force me to come, over and over, until I am certain I will die of it.

She beats me, and cuts me with knives, and douses my body with hot wax and oil. She makes me grovel and beg and worship her. I debase myself for her pleasure in a thousand different ways.

But nothing she does to me is as bad as what she makes me do to other people.

Sometimes I will go to her chambers and see her new victim. A man, bound in chains. Or a girl, with all the fight beaten out of her. The Queen uses me to humiliate them, to defile them as I would not defile the Princess.

Sometimes they fight, and the Queen makes me subdue them. Sometimes they scream, and the Queen makes me lie to them, pretend to comfort them even as I hurt them. Often, they are too stunned, too shattered inside to do anything. In the Queen’s castle, you quickly learn the benefits of feeling nothing. 

She makes me obey her orders. I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to hurt these people!

But I have no choice.

I cry, as I rape these men and women. It is the only power I have over myself, the only thing the Queen did not take from me. I cry, but I feel no sadness. I don’t feel anything--not pleasure or anger or even the despair that should consume me. 

There is no end in sight. I doubt she will ever give me permission to die, and I know that no one will ever free me from this hell. 

I have no heart and I must feel. 


End file.
